Stray Stories
by bluedragon03
Summary: Just a bunch of one shots in no particular order relating to my story Stray Hero
1. Ventilation Shafts

Yukine adjusted his foot against the power pole and pushed away slightly so he had a better angle on the security camera he was installing. He and Yato were in the process of upgrading their security system so that they had a better early warning system. He wiped his forehead and pushed back his hard hat, thinking that if he ever decided he didn't want to be a supervillain he might have a promising future as a lineman. He heard they made good money.

"Look, Yukine!" Yato cried. Yukine peered carefully down and saw Yato standing at the foot of his power pole excitedly waving around a piece of paper. Yukine rolled his eyes and finished installing the camera before carefully climbing to the ground. Once his feet were back in the dirt he took the paper from Yato and smoothed it out over his thigh/

"A flyer for the new exhibit at the Metro City Museum, so what?"

" _SO_ , they're showcasing the Fallen Star Diamond!"

"And?"

"AND it's the largest diamond in the world!"

"I know what it is, Yato, why am I supposed to care?"

"Because we're going to steal it!" Yukine looked back up at Yato thoughtfully.

"They're going to be guarding it like crazy, you know. I went to the museum once in third grade, we've never managed to break through a security system that tight before."

Yato smiled, knowing this statement was Yukine agreeing to hear him out. This mission would provide them with funding for their next attempts to take over the city, not to mention their rent and food bills for years.

"We'll have to scope it out."

"You mean _I_ will have to scope it out. The Metro City Museum has metal detectors at the door that will pick up your disguise watch."

"Tonight we should break into the Metrocity Records office to see if we can find the floor plans and security system blueprints for the museum."

"Do you think you can hack the security system?"

"I can't, but I may be able to find someone who can." Yukine gave him a skeptical look. "I do have _some_ underworld connections you know. Who do you think taught me the programming that I know?"

"If you say so."

"I've always wanted to be lowered into a room from an air vent, you know?" Yato said.

"Oh God."

* * *

Yukine placed his phone, pencil, and notebook in the plastic bin provided by security and stepped through the metal detectors, keeping his face locked in mixed interest and boredom as he began committing every detail of the museum to memory.

"You here for school?" The guard asked mildly, sliding the bin across the table.

"Yeah, I have to pick an exhibit to write about."

"Try the Ancient Egypt room. I've got a niece about your age who is obsessed with ancient Egypt." Yukine nodded and took his stuff back, opening up his notebook and beginning to jot down notes. He took pictures of everything. His phone pinged and he rolled his eyes.

 _Yato: how's it going? Is everything alright? Do you need me to come and get you?_

 _Yukine: I'm in a museum, what could possibly go wrong? Stop being so worried and let me work._

 _Yato: I just want you to be safe!_

 _Yukine: I just want you to leave me alone!_

Yukine put his phone on silent and went back to work. _Wow, this security system is ridiculous._ Employees had to swipe an ID badge to get into any room labeled employees only, and maintenance rooms probably required special badges.

Every threshold had motion sensors, probably only active at night, and there were proximity alarms on the most valuable artifacts, including the Fallen Star Diamond.

 _Yukine: Starting to think our best option is to blow the place open and run for it, the security here is off the charts_

 _Yato: Really? They must have upgraded it since I was last there_

 _Yukine: or you were too busy fighting over pudding cups with Bishamon to notice_

 _Yato: Maybe_

 _Yukine: Need to test response time to the museum, can you at least attack the electronic system to set off the alarm?_

 _Yato: I think I can do enough so the system alerts the authorities, but I don't want you in there when the police arrive._

 _Yukine: I've been with you for years, there's no way they'll recognize me even if they worked my dad's case_

 _Yato: I'll take no chances, I'll trigger the alarm once your done and you can wait somewhere nearby and time their response._

 _Yukine: are you sure that you're a super villain, I've never heard of a villain who worries as much as you_

 _Yato: I don't want you to be taken away!_

Yukine's sigh was much more tolerant this time. Yukine would never admit it out loud but it was nice how Yato was always worried for his safety. It contrasted starkly with his early childhood. It was annoying but at least it didn't hurt.

Yukine decided to take a look through the Ancient Egypt exhibit, since the guard had recommended it.

 _Yukine: Did you know King Tut was made king when he was ten?_

 _Yato: What are you even doing right now?_

 _Yukine: Well we paid admission to get me in here_

 _Yato: do they have any mummies_

 _Yukine: Unfortunately not_

 _Yato: Lame_

He took a few more notes for the benefit of the security cameras, even though the effort was probably pointless. Yato would probably destroy the footage from all day long to protect him.

 _Yukine: duuuude, they have the car Bonnie and Clyde died in_

 _Yato: thats cool, but also feels like a potential thieves beware sign_

 _Yukine: thanks for that new and terrifying prospect_

* * *

Yukine was dreading telling Yato about his observations and plans, mostly because he knew how he would react.

"So," Yato asked, setting a plate of spaghetti in front of Yukine, "what's the verdict?"

"I think our best bet is… the air vents," he grumbled.

" _Really_? Yato cried, wearing a childlike delighted expression. Yukine prepared to convince Yato that this was not going to be some elaborate heist made for living out his childhoods dreams.

"Don't get excited! We still need the plans from the city record office to see if the ventilation system is connected to the security system. It may not help us." Yato nodded, still grinning giddly.

"I'm not lowering you into a room from the vents, Yato."

"Okay," Yato said, but in a way that Yukine knew mean Yato still thought that he was going to be lowered into a room from an air vent.

Yukine pinched the bridge of his nose.

* * *

"I feel like these plans should have been harder to access," Yukine said.

"If the plans to the entire city are here why isn't the security better? That feels like a problem. On the plus side, now we know we can use this office for any heist that we plan in the future."

"Yeah, once you're Evil Overlord you should really do something about this, We don't want these plans to fall into the hands of a potential insurrection." Once again Yato was floored by Yukine's strategic mind. He was nearly thirteen but he already had the mind of a supervillain. "What?" Yukine asked looking at Yato warily as his vision swam.

"I'm so proud of you!" Yato cried, throwing his arms around Yukine. "You're such a good minion!" Yukine made a surprised sound and shove Yato off him, blushing faintly.

"Let's just get out of here, the abysmal security of the Metro City Records Department isn't our problem."

"Not yet at least!"

* * *

About a week of planning and research into the tensile strength of the metals used in your typical air shaft and they were ready. Yato insisted on both of them wearing all black like the cat burglars from the movies, though Yukine was the only one who had to wear a ski mask. Another extra security measure to make sure that the cameras didn't pick up his face.

Their experiment in the museum had revealed that the police response time to the museum was four and a half minutes, which wasn't nearly enough time to complete the heist, so they'd have to be careful. In the event they _did_ set off the alarm Yato was carrying a bag full of explosives to blast his way out the fast way.

* * *

Yato would be the only one entering the building, as he had to navigate the air vents to do it, Yukine popped open the breaker next to the door and began plugging in the equipment they had brought, fresh with a battering ram program that Yato's contact had written for him.

"Alright remember, I'm going to override the security system and clear your way through the vents, don't enter a new area until I give you the go ahead."

"Alright, Alright, I get it _Mom_ , this isn't my first heist."

"If I have anything to say about it it _will_ be your first successful one."

"I've managed heists before! I was a supervillain before you came along!"

"Yeah, a really bad one!"

"I'm a great villain!"

"Uh huh, sure, get ready to repel hot shot." Yato grumbled something about ungrateful brats under his breath and Yukine rolled his eyes.

Yato slipped inside the air vent and repelled down, his annoyed muttering amplified by the small space.

"Yato, do you read me?" Yukine asked, turning on his bluetooth. Yato had insisted that they use 'spy talk.' What a child.

"I read you loud and clear, minion."

"No one is listening, you can use my name."

"That's a negative, minion."

"You're unbelievable."

Yukine pulled up a scan of the blueprints and began directing Yato through their pre planned route.

"Now stop, there is a weight sensor five feet in front of you, I need to override it. Okay, hurry, it will reset itself in sixty seconds."

"This security system is insane."

"I told you, but you just _had_ to stealth it. I still think blowing the place wide open and running in then out would have been the best bet."

"Metro Woman would get an alert for an explosion, and she could be here in seconds, I'd rather risk the Metrocity Police department, it was too much of a risk that she'd show up and find you here."

Yukine shook his head slightly and suppressed a smile. Always to protect him.

"Okay, you're right above the room with the diamond, but the vent isn't over the case. Look through the grate and tell me what you see."

"Lasers!" Yato said excitedly.

"You'll have to dodge them to get it."

"Awesome!"

Yato threaded a small cord through the grate before kicking it out. The cord held it suspended in the air above the lasers so no alarm was triggered. He anchored his repel rope to the inside of the vent and repelled down, not bothering to hold back his broad grin of excitement. This was _so cool_!

"Well, well, well, it seems Kazuma was right." Yato nearly jumped out of his skin as Metro Woman emerged dramatically from the shadows. Something else he'd always wanted todo, which she knew, and had probably decided to do it just to mock him. "That false alarm earlier this week _was_ you testing the police response time. And here I thought he had me here every night this week to get rid of me."

"Well why wouldn't he want to get rid of you, since you're so insufferable?" Bishamon didn't respond, but she was wearing a distant expression that he had come to realize meant Kazuma was talking in her ear.

"Minion, code crazy bitch, get the hell out of here!"

"Just say 'Bishamon is here!'"

"Bishamon is here! Go home! I'll handle things here!"

"No way am I just going to leave you here with her!"

"Is your minion nearby, Yato? Maybe it's time that the two of us were formally introduced, maybe they'll give you two a joint cell in the supermax." Yato's sword was already in his hand.

"You should worry more about me you crazy bitch."

"Kazuma, any idea where the sidekick may be?" Yato's heart froze, Kazuma would know where Yukine was for sure, but would he tell her? Bishamon's eyes lit up, Yato's breathing hitched.

"Now how did you manage to get your man down in the basement?" Yato's heart resumed it's regular rhythm. _Thank you, Kazuma,_ Yato thought, making a mental note to buy the man a drink sometime.

"Minion, get out _now_!"

Yato attacked with all the rage and ferocity he would have if Kazuma had revealed Yukine's real location in order to maintain the ruse his best friend had set for him. He jumped straight at her, vaulting through at least a dozen lasers and setting off the alarm.

"Yato you have four and a half minutes to get out of there! We don't have the funds for a jailbreak forget the diamond and just escape!" Through the bluetooth Yato heard the sounds of Yukine frantically packing up his equipment.

"Damn you, Bishamon! Or maybe I should say 'Damn you Kazuma' since he's the one who did all the work?"

"Maybe he did, but I'm the one who gets the pleasure of kicking your ass!"

"Yeah right, he only helps you because he feels bad about how lame you are!"

Somewhere, far away in their secret lair, Kazuma slapped his forehead in exasperation.

Yato and Bishamon exchanged blows several times before Bishamon kicked him upwards, wedging him in the grate hole in the air shaft, then yanking him back down and slamming him into the ground by the ankle. He pretended to be unconscious so she was taken by surprise when she reached down to pick him up and he slashed at her neck, forcing her to reel backwards. He scrambled back and jumped through a window, sprinting down the street.

"Yukine I'm out of the building, Metro Woman in pursuit!"

"I've found shelter."

Bishamon caught up to him easily, flying through the air next to him, looking smug.

"You're going to jail this time."

"Not this time," Yato pulled some of the explosives out of his backpack, lit them, and shoved them into Bishamon's face. While she was distracted he ducked into a back alley, and then another, and then another, then turned the face on his disguise watch and became someone else.

"Yukine, Yukine, can you hear me? I'm clear."

"I'm a few streets away in a twenty four hour diner and- holy _shit_!"

"What, what is it? Is everything alright?" Yato asked, already imagining the worst.

"Why the hell is Hiyori here?"

"Language! Don't let her see you, she knows your face! I _told you_ that you needed to wear a mask when we kidnapped her!"

"She saw my face the first time when I was the bait, there was no point!"

* * *

Yato stepped out of the can and asked it to wait for him while he went inside. When he stepped through the door he scanned the restaurant and his eyes landed on the familiar silhouette of Iki Hiyori, sitting at the bar with her back to the restaurant.

"You really should move, Hiyori, look, I found this really nice apartment for you!"

"I'm not going to move, Yama."

"Megamind knows where you live!" Her other friend said, the mention of his nickname jolting Yato.

"Whatever, even if I moved he'd just start abducting me from different places, and it's more convenient for him to drop me off directly at home anyway."

"You talk about it like the two of you are carpooling to work, not like you're being serial abducted by a _supervillain_!"

"Because he's not a threat! I keep telling you guys that Megamind is _not_ scary."

 _Rude_. Yato thought, slipping past them and into the mens restroom.

"Yukine," he whispered as the door shut.

"Yato," Yukine replied, emerging from one of the stalls looking worried.

"Are you hurt?"

"Not too bad, just a few scratches."

"What about Hiyori?"

"She's seated with her back to the restaurant so we should be able to just walk out. Pull up your hood though."

Yukine obliged and Yato placed himself between Yukine and Hiyori as they walked briskly to the door.

"What do you mean he just tried to break into the museum?" Hiyori asked, and Yato glanced over his shoulder to see she had her phone to her ear. "Yeah of course I will, I'm not far from there now. Just have the news van meet me at the site."

The door closed behind Yato and Yukine and they jumped into the cab and instructed them to _drive_.

* * *

"See, Yukine, I told you that it wasn't bad! Just a few scratches."

"Well you say that about everything, and it's almost never true," Yukine said, applying Neosporin to Yato's scratches.

"Too bad we didn't get the diamond though."

"Oh well," Yukine said, "we still have enough explosives to pull off a minor heist of a less secure building." Yato grinned.

"I know exactly where to hit."

* * *

"You've got to be kidding me," Yukine said, standing in front of the large craft store, flanked on all sides by an army of brain bots. The other side of the city was still lit by lights and sirens as the world turned its eyes to the museum they'd tried to hit just an hour before. Yato had decided _now_ was the best time to do it, while the entire Metro City PD were distracted.

"It's perfect! We're going to get so much stuff!"

"You're just doing this because you're mad their fabric is so expensive. Admit it." Yato shot him a mischievous grin.

"Are you ready?"


	2. Internet Compilations

**2: People on the Internet Will Make A Compilation Out Of Anything**

 **x x x x**

"I don't know if either of you know about these, but people on the internet make compilations of anything, and we have one here of footage from the times the God of Calamity Kidnapped you."

Hiyori chuckled and nodded. Beside her Yato laughed uncomfortably. It had only been a few months since his battle with Rabo and he was still squirming in the limelight that came with being a hero. He got nervous whenever his past was brought up like he thought the citizens of Metro City would suddenly remember that he was a villain and dust off their torches and pitch forks.

"I knew about them, but I've never seen one," Hiyori said.

The two of them were sitting for an interview with Austin, the host of a popular talk show. They were still doing the trail of public relations events that Kazuma had planned and set up for them. Yato had caused a lot of harm, and it would take a lot more than one heroic rescue to turn public opinion in his favor. At least there was no shortage of talk show hosts and journalists eager to interview the villain turned hero.

"I've never seen any either," Yato said.

"I'm so glad to hear the two of you say that because we thought it would be funny for you two to watch one for the first time here with us!"

"Oh dear," Hiyori said, noting the crease forming between Yato's eyebrows while he tried valliantly to smile.

"The one we picked is the top result on Youtube. It's called 'Iki Hiyori Not Giving A Shit About Megamind for Ten Minutes Straight.'"

Yato growled at the nickname while the audience laughed. Hiyori pressed her lips together in an attempt to not smile.

"I feel like I'm not going to come off well in this," Yato said, relaxing a bit.

"That's what you get for insisting on televising all of your evil plots. If only you'd been less of a drama queen people on the internet would have less ammunition to use against you."

"I can't help it! I have the heart of a performer!"

Hiyori gave him an exasperated look while the audience chuckled. Yato seemed emboldened by the sound.

"Why don't we play the clip then," Austin said, turning to the big screen.

 _Hiyori sat in her usual uncomfortable steel chair, chewing gum and looking bored._

" _If you don't surrender now Hiyori will be eaten alive by aligators!"_

 _The platform underneath Hiyori opened, evealing six aligators circling beneath her. Hiyori didn't even look down, instead blowing a large bubble with her gum. It popped into the remarkably screamless silence._

The audience chuckled, and even Yato grinned.

 _Hiyori rolled her eyes as Yato pressed a knife to her throat, not even shying away from the edge. Yato backed slowly away from Metro Woman, eyes never leaving her. His heel collided with a piece of rubble and he went careening backwards, Hiyori tearing free of his grip. Rather than running away she took the opportunity to poke him in the ribs hard with the tip of her shoe. He swatted her away, grumbling._

Yato shook his head, laughing lightly.

" _You're such an idiot! What the hell kind of plan was this? I can't believe you're making me late for my date for this! Polluting the River? You live here too, dumbass! You'll get sick with the rest of us!"_

" _Oh, I hadn't thought of that."_

Hiyori laughed out loud. She had forgotten about that.

 _Hiyori was hanging upside down, squirming and looking annoyed. One of her movements jarred her necklace and it swung down dangerously. She cried out, interrupting whatever dramatic speech Yato had been giving._

" _Ah! Megamind! My necklace is falling you have to get it! It was my grandmothers!"_

" _You'll lose more than your necklace if Metro Woman doesn't surrender now!"_

" _Would you just shut up and get it? We both know you're going to lose anyway, and if one of your aligators eats it I'll kick your ass myself!"_

There was some cheering from the audience that made heat fill Hiyori's face, though Yato was laughing heartily now. The next several minutes were similar clips of Hiyori being wholly unimpressed by Yato. The video ended with a clip of Hiyori in her same steel chair with her hands bound behind her back. She used her unbound feet to kick Yato _hard_ in between the legs when he got too close. The last shot was of Yato on the ground and Hiyori smirking down at him like her steel chair was a throne.

Yato and Hiyori both winced while Austin and the audience enjoyed a long laugh at Yato's expense.

"Hiyori was never a damsel in distress," Yato said fondly.

"Why do you think that was?"

"He was never scary!"

"I was plenty scary, Hiyori!"

" _I_ thought he were scary, and I think the rest of the city did too, at least sometimes," Austin said. There were general sounds of agreement from the crowd.

"Yeah, but that'sbecause you guysnever actually _met_ him. Believe me, once you get to know him he's not scary at all," Hiyori said.

"I am so! You said yourself that I have scary face!" Hiyori rolled her eyes.

"You have the capacity to be scary, but you're not scary. There's a difference."

"What does that even mean?"

"Metro Woman."

"Okay, good point."

Austin watched their interaction with a puzzled expression before looking into the camera like he was Jim from The Office.

"So, Mister God of Fortune-"

" _Please_ don't call him that or he won't shut up about it for a week. His _name_ is Yato."

"Yes, I was aboutto ask about this. You've only been a hero for a few months, but already you're doing things differently than your former rival. We know your name, for example."

"Yeah, everyone thought that openess would help build trust. That and Yukine steadfastly refused to sit through any parent teacher conference where the teacher was addressing me as the God of Fortune."

"Speaking of Yukine, finding out that you had a son surprised many people. I'm sure most people never pictured you as a family man."

"I can tell you if I ever _did_ find him scary I stopped once he started bringing his kid along on evil missions," Hiyori said, getting another laugh from the audience.

"I couldn't find a babysitter!"

"Couldn't you have had a brain bot watch him?" Austin asked.

"They're not _sentitent_! And they're all pointy and rusty! What if he cut himself? You can't leave a brain bot to watch a baby! And what if I got captured and he's home alone waiting for someone who isn't coming back?"

"Did you have some sort of plan in place for if you were arrested?"

"Of course I did, but luckily we never needed it. Not that he would have gone through with it, he's so _stubborn_."

"Gee, I wonder where he gets it," Hiyori drawled. "We had to chain him to his hospital bed while Yukine was doing his interviews," she told Austin.

"So you didn't want him to come forward as your son?" Austin asked, sitting forward. Yato shook his head and sighed with the pent up frustration of a single dad.

"Do you have kids, Austin?"

"No, I don't."

"Well if you ever have them you'll understand. Yukine is the only thing that matters to me. All of this," he gestured around broadly, "is for nothing if someone decides to take their grudge against me out on him. It doesn't matter what happens to me, I probably deserve it, but he doesn't, and just _being_ my son puts him at risk."

Yato ran a hand through his hair, not noticing the atmoshpere in the room, or the way Austin was looking at him. Hiyori didn't miss it, though, and she knew in that moment Yato had won the hearts of the audience _._ Of course not everyone would forgive him, now or ever, but in the eyes of the viewers he'd just gone from _villain_ to _father_.


	3. Dad Energy

**Title: Peak Dad Energy is Wearing A Shirt With A Dad Joke On It**

* * *

"Where are we going?" Yato asked for the tenth time.

"It's a secret," Yukine replied.

He cast a tired glance at the paparazzi that sometimes followed Yato around in his free time. He just couldn't imagine what was so interesting about Yato walking down the street with his son while wearing jeans and a graphic tee that said "Dad" in periodic table elements with "The Super Element" below it. It was his favorite shirt, he'd been wearing it constantly since a fan had thrown it on stage during some ribbon-cutting ceremony.

The event had apparently awakened Yato to the possibility of dad jokes on shirts because he'd made several of his own since then. There was even an Instagram account that compiled images of Yato in them: . reposted any image of Yato in a dad shirt, including paparazzi shirts and photos Yato took with fans. All the buzz around Yato's taste in graphic tee's was probably a good thing, every headline that contained both Yato's moniker and the word 'Dad' did more to turn the general association with him towards fatherhood and away from calamity. It had also, however, stirred a question which was apparently burning in the minds of the masses, and probably the reason they were being followed now.

 _What is Yukine going to get The God of Fortune for Father's Day?_

So here they were, on a Father's Day outing, being stalked by paparazzi that were keeping a respectful distance probably only because Yato never went anywhere without his sword.

"Give me a hint!" Yato begged.

"No."

As they walked Yato excitedly took stock of their surroundings, both from an ingrained need to always be on the ready and also to try and pick up hints about where they were going. Capyper Land was closed on Sunday, he'd already thought of that, and it was in the other direction anyway. The scenery around him _did_ look familiar, though. He knew this part of the city. Hiyori's favorite park was nearby, and about six blocks east was the street where the God of Chaos had practically eviscerated him.

Yato's smile broadened as they entered the park and Yukine led him directly off the path to a field with a wide open sky. Hiyori sat on a picnic blanket next to a basket, watching kites fly above her.

"Hiyori!" Yato called. She turned and grinned, waving them over.

"Surprise! It's a family picnic!" Yukine said, groaning a little when Yato swept him up in a big hug.

"I love it!" Yukine shoved him back, pretending to be disgusted, though Yato could see the faint blush on his cheeks.

"Thanks for saving the place, Hiyori," Yukine said as they sat.

"Of course!"

Yato got more and more excited as Hiyori and Yukine unpacked the picnic basket, revealing all of Yato's favorite foods prepared by the two of them.

"It's not as good as when you make it, but we tried," Hiyori said, passing Yato a plate.

"It'll be great because it was made with love!" Yato rubbed his hands together with anticipation before serving himself generous portions of everything.

Yato made a _huge_ point of complimenting every single dish and talking about how much he loved it, making Yukine blush heavily.

While they ate they talked merrily about Hiyori's job, Yukine's school and friends, and people that Yato had helped through the week. The paparazzi certainly got several cute shots of them all relaxing and having a good time that Yato was certain to cut out of newspapers and put on the fridge at home. Once the meal was done Yato grinned brightly at the two of them.

"I'm so grateful to have such a good family! This is the best Father's Day ever!"

The two of them smiled back, softening under Yato's trademark smile.

"I got you a present."

Yukine leaned over and pulled out a clumsily wrapped package from the picnic basket and handed it to Yato. Yato ripped the package open excitedly and held the tee shirt up to read the print.

 _World's okayest dad._

"Yukine you're so mean!"

He wore it constantly anyway.


End file.
